The Secret Life of WQ Admin

[Pepper]

Ever wonder how WQ reports are processed? Every day, players submit reports, and every day WQ admin reviews them and decides which players need to be contacted. Some player responses make us think about what we REALLY want to say...but then we send out a professional response…

Considering the thousands of WQ public multiplayer games each week, the number of abuse reports we receive is pretty small. We look at all the reports individually and decide if a warning email needs to be sent or, in some cases, if other action needs to be taken. Players sometimes respond back, politely asking for clarification or even apologizing. The vast majority of players are thoughtful, polite community members, even when getting email warnings from WQ admin.

Then there are the other responses sent back to WQ, which are...shall we say...less productive. While WQ admin always try to be professional in our actual replies, don’t we all secretly wish we could say what we are really thinking? So, for your enjoyment, are some humorous fantasy responses to actual emails (and common types of emails) we’ve gotten. I have embellished some for emphasis (and my own amusement) but many are actual messages we have received (so if you are reading your own words, it is always best to assume you are emailing a human, not a robot.).

For your enjoyment (and hopefully a little edification too)…

PLAYER: I didn’t do anything!
WQ ADMIN: Yeah… because we just pick random people to email each day.

PLAYER: It wasn’t me. It was my baby sister (and she only knows swear words).
WQ ADMIN: We do not advise you to share your account. Babies/dogs/house elves are trouble in text chat.

PLAYER: Everybody’s doing it!
WQ ADMIN: And everybody knows this is never an excuse.

PLAYER: Why don’t you warn the other players too?
WQ ADMIN: Happily, we have fancy computers than allow us to send more than one email a day.

PLAYER: My friend made me do it.
WQ ADMIN: Sadly, I can’t email you a backbone.

PLAYER: I am sorry that I used those mean and terrible words… but those players make me so MAD!!
WQ ADMIN: Perhaps you should choose Phrase Chat or Single Player when you feel angry.

PLAYER: I will not be vanquished! You can’t stop me from buying it again and again!
WQ ADMIN: True. But the rules and consequences remain the same. (And thanks for supporting WQ!).

PLAYER: I demand refund! You can’t steal my money like that! My lawyers/mom/pitbull/dementor will be in touch.
WQ ADMIN: Oh no…your mom!

PLAYER: I didn’t know it was against the rules. (Also, can you tell me about that wall of words I see every time I play multiplayer?)
WQ ADMIN: Here are the rules. Again.

PLAYER: Tell me who reported me (and I will send out my assassins!)
WQ ADMIN: Nope.

PLAYER: Can’t you take a joke??
WQ ADMIN: Actually, I am probably laughing right now. But you still can’t behave like that.

PLAYER: I'm sorry but I never signed up for this "Wolf Quest". Go tell someone else about this dumb report. I really don't care.
WQ ADMIN: Then you won’t mind that we have disabled this account.

PLAYER: Can I at least cuss in private games?
WQ ADMIN: While we can’t give you permission to cuss in private with your friends, you are correct in that private games are private. If you wish to play public multiplayer games with mixed sensibilities, you need to keep your language G-rated. Pretend you are playing with my grandma and you should do just fine.

PLAYER: I never got your warning emails because I never check that account/it was stuck in my spam/I was on vacation!
WQ ADMIN: That’s too bad…We also won’t chew your food for you.

PLAYER: Well excuse me for trying to have a little fun with friends!
WQ ADMIN: Private games are the perfect place for like-minded people.

PLAYER: Your warning email ruined my life! Delete my account!
WQ ADMIN: Chill out and email in a week if you really need to be so dramatic.

[Neamara]

Heh, nice change of pace to read some of the excuses you guys have to deal with day to day. Thanks for sharing this humorous compilation, Pepper. But where (or how common) is the "my <relative> owns WQ!" excuse?

[SolitaryHowl]

Ah, professionalism...always getting in the way of sarcasm and wit, eh?

Seriously though, a pitbull x dementor x lawyer cross would be scary. They'd probably win all of their cases.

[paperpaws]

Hahaha, it is good to see staff content like this pop up every once in a while. "I can't email you a backbone" was funnier to me than it probably should have been. Thanks for sharing these, and for summoning the patience to remain professional in dealing with people. (As someone with quite a bit of retail experience by now... I feel your pain.)

[Sambhur]

Ahahahah that was great! I gotta agree with Anduril though, the backbone one got me. Thanks for that, Pepper!

[SilkenGalaxy]

Hahaha! This was absolutely fantastic Pepper! Quite honestly, those responses are something I'd say if I were a report admin and professionalism wasn't a requirement....

[duskypack]

So I take it that you're the new master of the Ban Parrot? Lovely, you seem worthy of keeping the parrot in its place.

On a more serious note, I loved the bit about the backbone. I applaud your patience, I'm sure it can be quite frustrating at times with how ridiculous some people are.

[Shiverdam]

What info do you guys actually receive when a user is reported in-game using the report button? A chat log?

[Pepper]

What info do you guys actually receive when a user is reported in-game using the report button? A chat log?

Good question. Yes, for in-game reporting, a portion of the chat log is sent with the reporter's username, the reported person's username, and the game name.

So, if you are reporting, it is most helpful if you report when the language/behavior happens so it is recorded in that portion of the chat log. Sometimes it is hard to tell why the report is made, likely because the reporter waited a long time after the reportable behavior happened so it didn't show in that portion of the chat log. It can also be helpful if there is evidence of a warning. For example, "Please stop cursing" or "Why did you drown all the pups on purpose?" or "There is no mating chat allowed in public multiplayer games."

One other reminder, if anyone reading this wants to perfect the art of reporting: you only need to report once! Hitting the report button repeatedly doesn't make them get in MORE trouble.

[Celestial-Howl]

I absolutely love this list! If I got those kind of replies from people who were clearly breaking the rules, I would probably have to restrain myself from sending back a snarky remark.

[psy]

This is awesome! I feel as if I'd probably make such comments if I didn't have to respond like a robot.

[Pepper]

Here are a few good ones from the weekend reports:

PLAYER (in an email reply, after receiving an "inappropriate language" warning email): Oh wow, that's a bit extreme. I thought swear words that weren't allowed were "expletive" "expletive" "expletive" and "expletive" I didn't realize "expletive" was a extreme enough word to get banned.
WQ ADMIN: Now you know. (And thanks for sharing all the cuss words you know during my Sunday morning coffee.)

PLAYER's game-name choice: WOLFQUESTYOUSUK
WQ ADMIN: Noted. ANDYOUNOLONGERHAVETEXTCHAT.

********

I also love this from the chat logs:

PLAYER: my baby sitter is thinking im asleep

(I am thinking of making this my tagline)

[Kamaal]

"my baby sitter is thinking im asleep."

This literally made my day, I can't stop laughing....

Thanks for sharing your experiences with us Pepper! It's always interesting to see what you guys come across everyday.

[Pepper]

Heh, nice change of pace to read some of the excuses you guys have to deal with day to day. Thanks for sharing this humorous compilation, Pepper. But where (or how common) is the "my <relative> owns WQ!" excuse?

Ha! I just ran into this chat:

Player 1: why do u want to do your own thing so badly?
Player 2: why
Player 2: WHY?
Player 2: because i am the creators daughter!

For the record, loboLoco has no daughter.

[Kamaal]

Heh, nice change of pace to read some of the excuses you guys have to deal with day to day. Thanks for sharing this humorous compilation, Pepper. But where (or how common) is the "my <relative> owns WQ!" excuse?

Ha! I just ran into this chat:

Player 1: why do u want to do your own thing so badly?
Player 2: why
Player 2: WHY?
Player 2: because i am the creators daughter!

For the record, loboLoco has no daughter.

That... It cracked me up...

I can't believe someone actually used this cheap excuse... Frankly if I was dealing with what you guys deal everyday I wouldn't be able to reply in a 'robotic' manner. I'd have to sass some of the players or else I'd probably face my mental death.